Can't think of a title for this oneLate Monday evening, I received a text message from a good friend in the Midlands. I had just seen her when when I visited London last weekend, and she surprised me (on Saturday) by telling me she was three months pregnant (no, it was not my baby). At first, I was unsure of what to think. H is a career minded, very independent woman and she's the last person any of her friends thought would ever have kids.
However, she seemed to be adjusting to her new situation quite well. She stopped drinking the minute she found out she was expecting, she bought a book called 'What to expect when you're expecting' and read up on what was going on, she changed her diet to what was recommended, cut down on smoking (she only had one after meals as opposed to smoking like a chimney before), etc.
We spent most of the weekend talking about what it was going to be like for her when she was a mom and also trying to pick out baby names. She wasn't sure if it was going to be a boy or girl, so she called it 'Junior'. I noticed that when she walked, she held her hands on her belly like she was protecting it from something. She had already arranged for a child minder and had talked about other things that she'd have to, but was willing to, chage in her life. All in all, she was very excited and happy about this. That was Sunday. Everything changed on Monday.
She had an appointment yesterday with her gynecologist and was told that she had lost the baby, but hadn't miscarried yet. I instantly called her to show her my support. She played it up like she was okay with losing the baby, but I know that she's probably not - she just didn't want to worry me. Knowing how happy she was about being a mom, she probably went home and cried her eyes out.
H probably won't get pregnant again. Her first time was accidental, but not unwanted. It was a mistake that she had made and was prepared to live with, literally for the rest of her life.I thought she'd be a great mom and the kid would grow up in a wonderful enviornment.
I am sad about this too. H lives in England, but is not English. She has a few, but not a lot of, good friends and I'm pretty sure that there's a quite a bit of emptiness in her life (that her dog can't fulfill). I thought that being a mom would change all that for her, now we'll never know.
Yesterday, in an effort to gain more information, I SMSed her best friend. He responded by telling me that he hadn't talked to her since Monday and that he was at a funeral in Scotland.
When it rains, it pours.